Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
