Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
