This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
