I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
