i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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