I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Me too!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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