Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
