If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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