I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How external is "for external use only"?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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