There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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