I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
