When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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