I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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