Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
