I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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