So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
