already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
