If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
