just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
