Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
