is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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