It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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