i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
