She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
