Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
