i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
