i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
