ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the liver wants what the liver wants
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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