I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
