you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
