i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
