I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
