Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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