when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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