dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
