All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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