i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
