If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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