somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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