Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
