My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
