K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
