If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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