Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
