tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize