Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
