I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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