found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
