I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
