Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
