Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
