you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
