DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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