my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
