he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
