So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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