i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
