I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
