I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
