Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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