She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
