I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
