Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
