I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
