So drunk its hurt
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
