They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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