I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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