ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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