I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
