There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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