The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
whose parrot is this?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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