Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just invented taco cereal.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
