Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
