What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
