i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
